Day 30: "The Fear"

As I come to the end of Day 30, I'm struck by a rather interesting realization:

Although I'm rather curious, I don't think I'm ready to look into a mirror tomorrow.

It might sound a little dramatic, but I don't know if I'm strong enough to see myself without regressing into my obsessive ways. I want to keep doing everything I can to keep my focus off of it and maybe there's a chance I can truly free myself from all of that.

Tracy (of The Love Vitamin) often speaks in her blog about having "fear" about acne. I think I'm in that same boat. I know that my husband has told me it has improved, but I constantly have this fearful anxiety that the worst of my acne bouts will return or that I'll suddenly get another perioral dermatitis breakout again. Plus, I know that the theory behind the caveman regimen is that your skin can regenerate itself during those 30 days, but I've read about people not seeing their best results until the 1 1/2 - 3 month marks. I happened to run my fingers over the skin next to my mouth today and I can feel a few clusters of small bumps and I don't want seeing them to make me think the project has been worthless. In fact, I think I'll do something that's the complete opposite.

I want to go back to not being so aware of my face. I think during my first week or so I did so much better than I have in the last 2 weeks. I think taking a more extreme approach like I had in the beginning of all this will really help me take the focus off my appearance again. I've got to try and keep from asking my husband what I look like a billion times a day, and I think I've been tempting myself too much by using the reflections in our picture frames. It's fine to look real quick from afar and flash myself a smile, but I think it has been getting a little closer and a little longer each time to where I'm so tempted to run to the bathroom, rip off my poster boards and get about one inch from the mirror to judge it all up-close. I just have to give this more time and up the ante.

That's right, I've made the decision to add a minimum of 2 more weeks of no-mirror time!

I'll still use a little water and my fingers to remove most of my "dead skin mask" tomorrow morning, but I don't think I need to use a mirror for that. I'll just do it and then go back to the original no-wash, no-mirror regimen for another 2 weeks.

Wish me luck. :-)