Day 34: Some People Have Real Problems

Extending this experiment has proven to be a lot more difficult than I imagined. The last few days I have felt like an emotional wreck! Blemishes seemed like they were popping up everywhere all over again and I could feel a few deep, painful cysts brewing. I got so freaked out by this that I let it take over me. Remember, when you can't see things you try to imagine what they look like. For example, when a large part of my cheek was feeling sore, I imagined that must mean there is a HUGE cyst there. I began to try desperately to "look without looking" using the reflections on my framed art on the walls. Long story short, I began to make myself obsessive and depressed all over again.

So here's the reality:

I have a few spots on my face.

...and then I started my period yesterday. (Sorry if you're weird and think typing this into a blog is somehow "inappropriate." It is part of a woman's life and it actually explains a lot of the madness that went on Day 31-33.)

After days of bursting into tears out of nowhere, I believe God brought something to my attention last night. When I was dealing with the perioral dermatitis, I said something out loud more than once. I said, "If I ever get rid of this thing, next time I get a big zit, I'm gonna thank God for that zit." So it happened, and what am I doing? Crying like a baby as if 2-3 zits are the end of the world! This thought made me realize a very interesting truth about the human experience: We tend to view our world from the perspective of ourselves at this very moment. In other words, all we know is that this moment is our reality and we tend to focus on anything that is directly effecting us right now rather than see "the big picture." I mean, why is it so hard for me to remember how much worse everything was when I started, and choose to focus on the improvement that has been made? Why would I expect PERFECTION in just one short month? Why would I ever expect PERFECTION?

Let's take this further: I got into a conversation last night with a woman who is helping a nonprofit start-up for youths. She told me that this organization went to Tanzania last year to help unite youths and their communities by teaching the youths to solve problems themselves in order to build confidence and later become productive members of their societies. Guess what problem the youths in Tanzania chose to work on?

They wanted to help provide poverty-stricken families with clean drinking water.

Wait, what?

That's right, they just want water. So they can survive.

Meanwhile, Kylie's over here crying over a few bumps on her face that will probably last a week or two tops. Wow, BIG PROBLEM.

So to close this post, I'd like to introduce you to Evan Ruggiero: (Ironically, someone I saw on Ellen this week when I was wallowing in self-pity.)



So maybe everytime my spots feel sore I should think of Evan... or the kids in Tanzania... or at least of something I'm grateful for. There just has to be a way to broaden my awareness away from just my one issue at this very moment.

The Day 10 Slump

If you've never heard of the "purging period" with acne treatments, you've probably never had real acne. In my case, I find that the purging is the worst during week 2 and, unfortunately, it seems to be the same with The Caveman. I'm not sure if it is this purging period or the fact that the longer I go without the mirror, the more out of control I feel, but the past few days have been pretty rough.

Now that a lot of people know about my experiment, they seem eager to check in with me. This can be nice at times and often makes me feel like I have a great support group around me. However, during the past few days, it gets a little humiliating to have to put your spots out there to the people who basically want to examine your face to see if it is "working." Of course, I try to explain that I believe I'm in a purging stage, but most people don't understand that when they've never had serious acne. Needless to say, going to work this week has been a struggle and I find I'm fighting the urge to look in the mirror more often than before.

Conversely, I'm pretty grateful for the "no-mirror" rule because I can try to tell myself if I'm not seeing it, maybe it isn't there. I know that sounds weird, but I've spent a lot of time this week trying to replace the image in my mind of what I think I really look like. I try to imagine an image of myself completely clear and happy, without a spot to worry over. I've been reading a lot about how emotional health can effect treatment, so I've been trying to come up with smart ways to keep out of my Week 2 Slump as much as I possibly can.

Here are a few ideas I've either come up with or found online:

-read the Bible and pray often to seek God for hope, inspiration and help
-watch a lot of comedy
-smile and laugh as often as possible
-try to talk about other subjects that don't have to do with the experiment
-keep busy with work and home projects to keep my mind off of it
-(probably my favorite) when you feel a really low, stubborn mood, think of something that makes you laugh uncontrollably
Side Note: Once I spilled a water bottle all over myself while I was driving home from a long day. My response was a really slow and awkward, "Ooooh yummy..." as I wiped myself off. For some reason, every time I think of this, I can't help but burst out into laughter.
Yesterday, while in a really stubborn and grumpy mood, I was grabbing some Q-tips to refill my container and my hand hit the inside of the cabinet knocking a big pile of them onto the floor. How did I react? With a really angry, "Ohhh GEEEZ!" I paused for a moment and then repeated it in a squeaky voice like a 12-year-old kid in a 50's movie and began laughing hysterically.

So, in the spirit of laughter, here are some of my favorite YouTube videos:






DISCLAIMER: I know some of these aren't as clean as others, but I believe God has a sense of humor. :)