The Day 10 Slump

If you've never heard of the "purging period" with acne treatments, you've probably never had real acne. In my case, I find that the purging is the worst during week 2 and, unfortunately, it seems to be the same with The Caveman. I'm not sure if it is this purging period or the fact that the longer I go without the mirror, the more out of control I feel, but the past few days have been pretty rough.

Now that a lot of people know about my experiment, they seem eager to check in with me. This can be nice at times and often makes me feel like I have a great support group around me. However, during the past few days, it gets a little humiliating to have to put your spots out there to the people who basically want to examine your face to see if it is "working." Of course, I try to explain that I believe I'm in a purging stage, but most people don't understand that when they've never had serious acne. Needless to say, going to work this week has been a struggle and I find I'm fighting the urge to look in the mirror more often than before.

Conversely, I'm pretty grateful for the "no-mirror" rule because I can try to tell myself if I'm not seeing it, maybe it isn't there. I know that sounds weird, but I've spent a lot of time this week trying to replace the image in my mind of what I think I really look like. I try to imagine an image of myself completely clear and happy, without a spot to worry over. I've been reading a lot about how emotional health can effect treatment, so I've been trying to come up with smart ways to keep out of my Week 2 Slump as much as I possibly can.

Here are a few ideas I've either come up with or found online:

-read the Bible and pray often to seek God for hope, inspiration and help
-watch a lot of comedy
-smile and laugh as often as possible
-try to talk about other subjects that don't have to do with the experiment
-keep busy with work and home projects to keep my mind off of it
-(probably my favorite) when you feel a really low, stubborn mood, think of something that makes you laugh uncontrollably
Side Note: Once I spilled a water bottle all over myself while I was driving home from a long day. My response was a really slow and awkward, "Ooooh yummy..." as I wiped myself off. For some reason, every time I think of this, I can't help but burst out into laughter.
Yesterday, while in a really stubborn and grumpy mood, I was grabbing some Q-tips to refill my container and my hand hit the inside of the cabinet knocking a big pile of them onto the floor. How did I react? With a really angry, "Ohhh GEEEZ!" I paused for a moment and then repeated it in a squeaky voice like a 12-year-old kid in a 50's movie and began laughing hysterically.

So, in the spirit of laughter, here are some of my favorite YouTube videos:






DISCLAIMER: I know some of these aren't as clean as others, but I believe God has a sense of humor. :)

Wrapping Up Week 1

I had a feeling when I began this experiment that Week 1 would be the hardest part. I somehow knew inside that if I could just make it through my first week, the rest of the month would follow. Now, I can't truthfully say if that is actually the case because I still have to go through Weeks 2, 3 and 4 to really know; but I can say wrapping up Week 1 is a huge relief.
Oh, the highlights of Week 1...
Let's start with the most embarrassing, shall we?
So, throughout my first week without mirrors, washing or makeup; my sweet husband has become my walking mirror. As I prepare to leave for work, I flash him a big, "eyes-squeezed-tight" smile so he can check my teeth and I hand him a few Q-tips to knock any dead skin off my face that seems to be just barely hanging on. However, on a couple of these occasions, he will notice something else.
Now, before I go any further, I'd like to say that there are definitely a few marriage-changing events in a lifetime that will dramatically alter a relationship (pregnancy, childbirth, and maybe the first time one of you decides to pee with the door open). However, I will say that what happened this week was something I would have never predicted.

Ok, so here it is...

He popped my zit. That's right, my husband is now my esthetician.
Okay, so I know it sounds nasty, but think of what this poor man is going through! If anyone is going to be honest and tell me what I really look like, it has to be him!
So apparently, I had a blemish--I say blemish because I don't want to keep typing zit over and over and feel worse about myself--and it seemed quite ready to leave me. He was so cute about it! He was looking at my skin up close and right as his eyes grazed over my chin, he said softly, "Oh..." and of course I panicked and said, "What?" He paused, and then said in almost a friendly, sing-song way, "That one's reeeadyyy."

Okay, now pause.

This week, I took it upon myself to read Stop Picking on Me, an online book meant to education severe "skin-pickers" into eventually stopping this terrible habit. To describe it quickly and efficiently, it's sort like "Red Asphalt" for pickers.

Okay, now back to my lovely blemish.
So, because I had been reading Stop Picking on Me, I was hyper-aware of the consequences of "taking action" against my chin. Without sounding too panicked, I asked if maybe by some miracle he could just lightly knock-off the top of my blemish. He began to oblige and as he rolled the Q-tip across my chin, I could actually feel the impurities come slipping right out...painlessly.
Yeah, okay, TMI, but this whole experiment is about exposure! I mean, I can't hide it under makeup, I can't examine it in a mirror, and I'm not really running my fingers across it because I'm not putting anything on it! The only way I can describe this is through feel. --and hey, it didn't feel like we were digging or doing anything detrimental to my skin, it just felt like we were releasing what needed to be released. The best part about it is we've been able to laugh a lot about this "new step" we have taken in the relationship.

Okay, moving on to less "yucky" subjects.
As far as the psychological aspects of the process, I'm finding that God is doing a huge work in me. I'm beginning to feel a certain kind of freedom that I don't think I've experienced since I was a child. It is like I know I have no control, so I can't hold onto that anymore. I do what I need to do and I accept that no matter what I look like, this is where I am right now. I'm in a process of healing and I really enjoy it.
I've also had a lot of opportunity to share with friends from work about my experiment and, in turn, a little about God. I like to slip in there that I believe in God and his design. I like to tell people I'm leaving this whole "skin debacle" up to Him because I know He has the power to deal with it much better than I can. --and amazingly, people really seem invested in this with me! I feel like God has placed a support system around me that I didn't even know I had before this! People come and ask me how it is going and ask to look at my face and I just let them right in. I feel so liberated. I don't have to hide behind this "problem" anymore. I've just opened up and let the whole world into my healing process and it honestly feels beautiful.

So here we are... one week in and so much to share. :)
See you again in a few days!

End of Day 2 Thoughts

I started off today feeling pretty good.
The husband and I went to church and, although I felt pretty self-conscious walking in, the service was amazing. I began to hear God's encouragement in everything. From the songs we sang to the message we heard, I just knew He was reaching out to tell me not to worry because He's got this.

Some of the main points of the message that really hit me today were:
-He is working to break down our barriers. I have recently come to understand that one of my biggest barriers in my life is VANITY. From a very young age, I found myself checking things in the mirror more and more often to try to project the most "flawless" image possible. I would be embarrassed if I could actually tell you how many hours of my lifetime have been wasted in front of that stupid mirror.
-We do not labor in vain. God has planned our paths for us and all we have to do is take that first step in faith. The only way I can get through this experiment is with the help of God.

So, as far as my thoughts on the experience so far, it has been interesting. I've had to go to work both of these days without looking into a mirror beforehand. I basically put an outfit on, brushed my hair, and hoped for the best. The thing is, once I'm at work, there's nothing I can do to change my situation. I must put my face in front of people and do my job, so why bother breaking down over it? I'm not saying it is easy, it is actually really hard to feel like myself. I'm really trying to work through this, though. I've found that the more I laugh and smile, the more my anxieties over what people might be "looking at" are eased.
I will say that I'm very lucky to work with such sweet and supportive people. All of the coworkers I've told about my experiment have been really supportive of it. Many of them have tried to assure me that I don't look hugely different without my makeup. (Yeah right... but thanks, guys. :))

Some online people who have encouraged me are:
-Tara, a girl who has tried everything just like me.
-This girl who curses a lot, but makes me laugh... and has a point.

Well, that's all for now. I'll update again in a day or two.
I'm 1/15th of the way there! haha